Sunday, January 4, 2009
I would like to amend a statement from yesterday’s post. I wrote “I hate Peyton Manning, but I REALLY, REALLY hate LaDanian Tomlinson and Phillip Rivers. So I hope they both get gorilla masked.” The part about LT and Marmalard getting gorilla masked, I stand by. The part about me having only “hate” for Peyton Manning, I take back. That does not properly convey the intense desire I have to see him get ran over by a midget driving a high speed steam roller. How the fuck did that schmuck win the MVP? I guess it was “nobody was really that great this year so lets give it to the guy who is in all those commercials.”
Except, plenty of people were great. If you vote for stats, Drew Brees was 16 yards short of breaking the record for most passing yards in a season. If you vote for most valuable to their team, Matt Ryan and Chad Pennington turned laughing stocks into playoff teams. If you vote for general awesomeness, Marshawn Lynch was solid, and we all know it don’t get no better than solid. Defense? DeMarcus Ware had 20 sacks, 84 tackles, and forced 6 fumbles. Ed Reed had led the league with 9 interceptions and 3 defensive touchdowns. Patrick Willis had 109 tackles by his damn self, plus he ran a pick back 86 damn yards.
Instead the award goes to Peyton Manning, and I die a little inside. I’ve always thought it was BS he got the award, but I only chose to write about it after the Colts fucked me over last night. I risked significant amounts of money on them to win the game (upwards of $25), and they promptly shit the bed. Now I’m left rooting for a plane crash.
Ravens -3.5 @ Dolphins
That damn half a point. It could be humongous in this game. The Dolphins are built around ball security, and the Ravens don’t exactly have an explosive offense, which means that this game should be pretty close. Holy shit. I just talked myself into the Dolphins as I was typing this.
*New Pick* DOLPHINS +3.5 vs. Ravens
I don’t think the wildcat will work too well against the Ravens, and I think the Ravens defense is good enough to get a couple turnovers and maybe a big special teams play. Plus, Baltimore won by 14 in Miami earlier this year, but last year Miami beat Baltimore to avoid going winless. (Oh yeah, Miami almost went winless last year) Now I want to switch back. Ugh. I’ll stick with Dolphins, but I’m staying away from this game gambling-wise.
Eagles -3 @ Vikings
Andy Reid sends Donovan McNabb to the bench one time and all the sudden he stops sucking? That’s great coaching. Or a coincidence. (side note: McNabb’s pathetic performance against the Redskins cost me a fantasy football championship, so I would have no problem with McNabb’s being given a pigskin suppository.) Big Daddy Drew lays out a pretty nice case for the Eagles in his Jamboroo
So go with his sage advice. Although he could just be trying to convince himself the Vikings are going to lose so that when they do lose, he doesn’t kill himself.
The main reason I’m going against the Vikings is because of Tarvaris Jackson. This is a guy that couldn’t beat out Matt Jones for the starting quarterback position at the University of Arkansas. Seriously. Jackson couldn’t get any playing time, so he transferred to Alabama State. And what is Matt Jones doing these days? Playing wide receiver, snorting cocaine, and calling Joey Porter gay.