Damn Dirty Squirrels

We recently discovered squirrels in our attic, and it is miserable. They gnawed holes in the wall and squeezed in. They run around, fight, and scratch all day and night. They have destroyed the insulation, wrecked havoc on everything we store up there, and almost started an electrical fire. It is the worst early in the morning. Right when the sun comes up, the little devil bastards wake up and start going crazy. This wakes me up about two and half hours before I normally wake up. I then have to get out of bed and go bang on the attic door to get them to shut up.

After I failed at patching up the hole, we hired a professional. He was able to plug the holes, but there were still a couple squirrels lose inside the attic. We have a trap and he told us when we caught the squirrel, fill a trash can with water and put the whole cage in there to drown the squirrel.

These squirrels are the bane of my existence. They have cost me time, money, effort, blood, dignity, sweat, and sleep. I hate them with a passion, and yet I can’t kill them. Instead, I wrap the cage in a sheet to keep the squirrel calm. I put the cage in the back of my car, drive 15 miles away, cross over a river, and let the squirrel out in the woods.

Every time I hear those squirrels scratch and every time they wake me up in the early hours of the morning, I want to hit them over the head with a mallet cartoon style. Yet, when I come face to face with them, I just can’t come close to doing it.

I have two excuses.
1. We have a pet Chihuahua, and she looks remarkably similar to a squirrel. Every time I look at the squirrel, I see our dog.
2. Those damn squirrels are cute. Honestly. Click these links and tell me if you could drown a squirrel.
Hand Fed
Lots of Pictures
Squirrel Skiing